Wearing the pants in a relationship – but whose?

You know those family functions where same sex marriage pops up over the entree and there’s an uncomfortable silence all the way through dessert? You cringe when Grandpa tries to give his two cents worth and remember that although you’re an entitled Gen Y’er, at least you got the same sex marriage thing right. Grandma races to the rescue to chastise him and declare, “We’re all God’s children”.

This sequence of events of the male making an off hand comment and the female interrupting has coined a term I’ve come to dislike. The term you’d throw around when a woman says “Stop the donuts, think of your cholesterol” or “That’s a few too many beers for you”. It’s a term I can only say with disdain - “She wears the pants in that relationship”.

Is that supposed to be an insult? A scientific finding? 

Whose pants am I supposed to be wearing? Pretty sure they’re my own. Maybe I’m not even wearing pants - MAYBE IT’S A SKIRT.

So why is it when a woman makes a request, order or simply a statement of fierce opinion to her partner that she is exposed to accusations of being the panted one by others?

I’m almost quite sure that they aren’t insisting on the male counterpart remaining pant-less at all times. I mean, he’s got to stick up for himself and his high cholesterol. 

These terms are deemed throwaway comments perched on the shelf next to “She’s a ball buster” and frankly, it’s a little tired. Wearing the pants in the relationship suggests that a particular partner (more likely the female) is the dominant decision maker and has control over the operations of the relationship. It suggests imbalance, inequality and a discrepancy between men and women’s role in a relationship and the personal sphere.

I come from a family of strong women who have more often than not, been classed as pant wearers. Whilst we do it in style and mostly in leather and diamantes, it is irksome and suggests that empowered women are attributed qualities that only male pant wearers should possess. Qualities like leadership, superiority and self-assurance that should not be mutually exclusive to males OR females. I am almost sure that both genders are willing to share these sought after gems. 

Whether it’s wearing the pants in the relationship, the supermarket or the boardroom – women should not be reduced to a tacky term based on their ability to make clear and informed decisions to guide others.

Let’s get rid of the cheeky whispers, “Woman said firm word to partner or male counterpart, she definitely wears the pants. Probably tailored ones”. 

There’s definitely room for two pairs of pants in a relationship.